My Khool Mommy :)

I have been learning the art of drawing kolam (which is nothing but patterns of designs made out of rice powder or rice batter, mainly seen outside Brahmin houses). My mother just gave me two books, and told me to learn the designs from them. I have been doing it for a long time, but only small ones. Today, I made a BIG kolam with the kolam powder. Mom was SO impressed that…

Mom: WOW! You learnt making kolams very nicely!

Me: Huh huh! *attitude*

Mom: Why don’t you learn to put kolams with rice batter now?

Me: Oh! Sure, but I don’t want to make my hands dirty!

Mom: Oh come on! If you learn it, we can make kolams for marriages of your cousins. (It is a tradition that women in the family make kolam to decorate the stage where the function takes place).

Me: Hmmm…let me see.

Mom: Then, I will tell everyone with full attitude “She knows how to make kolam”. I’m sure all the maamies will be impressed.

Me: Yeah, sure. And then tell them my gothram, and tell them that I’m home loving and trained to do all house hold chores. (Which is not true AT ALL).

Mom: Yaa, and then I’ll give them your horoscope, for matching.

Me: MUMMY!

I had been buying clothes. I wore a sleeveless top and came out of the dressing room.

Mom: This?

Me: Yes, isn’t it pretty?

Mom: Yes, but buy something decent, something that you can wear to PC Thomas also.

Me: *sad look*.

Mom: Why do you want to wear it now? Wear all the short skirts and sleeveless tops when you grow up. Like those girls in Roadies wear. You’ll look good.

Me: What? Mummy, parents here don’t allow girls to wear sleeveless at young age itself! You are telling me to wear them when I grow up!

Mom: People are mad!

Yes, I have a cool mom, a very considerate and loving person. She wants nothing, but her kids to be happy. I worship this woman :)

When an ANGEL Shatters your DREAM

The night before

Me: Silpa, I HAVE to go for a movie! I HAVE to! I’m DESPERATE

Silpa : Yeah. Me too!

Me: I go to school, then I go to PC Thomas, I come back and again dig myself into boring books. I SERIOUSLY need a break!

Silpa: We have to study for PC everyday, and then those weekly tests. And YES, we have write LAB RECORDS…I’m tired!

Me: We’ll go for a movie?

Silpa: London Dreams?

Me: It’s not nice. It’s silly it seems. Pazachiraaja? (It’s a Malayalam movie, apparently VERY good)

Silpa: You expect us to get tickets on SUNDAY? We’ll go after the rush gets over.

Me: Fine then, London Dreams, morning show, 10:45?

Silpa: Done. Wanna call someone else?

Me: I’ll ask Maya.

So, like this we went to see London Dreams. I had already read the reviews of the movie, which said that it’s a silly movie and seems to be very wanna-be Rock On!! . But, we were desperate.

We three girls landed in the theater at decided time. But, the hall was closed. It opened only at 11:15. Nevertheless, we stood there, and did a lot of gossiping and bitching. (We don’t need any special place). We bought the tickets, took the best seats in the hall, and talked more. We also wondered why there was so much rush in the theater to see a hindi movie.

The movie starts

The certificate of the movie comes, and we see something disastrous – it shows ANGEL JOHN

Maya: Annngggeeellll Jjjoohhhhnnnn.

Silpa: AAAAAAAAA.

Me: Aiiiyyyoooo!!!

And all of us started laughing.

We laughed at the movie for some time – the dialogues, the songs – everything. We got bored after sometime. I looked at Maya and Silpa in with a pitiful expression. Lady Luck surely not smiling at us! I wanted to look myself with a self-pitty-expression so I opened my small purse to look at myself in mirror.

Damn Darkness! Lady Luck was surely frowning at us!

The movie was about a guy – played by a hideously ugly actor. Ok, so this guy is a total rowdy because of which he loses a lot until Angel John comes. Mohanlal plays the role of Angel John – the redeemer of the good-for-nothing-useless guy (Why does God help useless people!).

The entry of Mota-laal (fun and sarcasm intended) brought back laughter. We laughed our wits out, and people around turned around to see the trio of wild girl. There was a song with this guy and Maha-mota-laal, we laughed again. We laughed at every action sequence. And then, I don’t know what happened, I slept off in the middle.

Anyways, it was an experience of life-time. Next time, I’ll ask everything before entering any movie hall!

PS – If any Mohanlal fan drops onto my page by-mistake and feels hurt, then I’m sorry. Please don’t show your disappointment in the comments section. I HATE such babblibg bumbling baboons and their art-work on the comments section.

Unfriendly Senior's Lecture

I had recently been to the district level CBSE school cultural meet (yes, unlike what my readers would have thought, I DO go for competitions). Anyways, I met the kiddies of my own school. There was this particular small girl who chose to stick with me where ever I went. So, I allowed her to do so. But, something in her irritated me after some time…

The girl looks around and SPITS on ground.

I roll my eyes at her. For some reason she considers that to be a friendly gesture of mine, and smiles at me.

After five minutes, she spits AGAIN.

This time I don’t roll my eyes, instead I talk to her.

Me: Don’t spit.

Girl: WHY?

Me: You spit on the floor of your home?

Girl: No.

Me: So, why are you spitting here?

Girl: This is not my home.

Me: Isn’t India your Home Land?

This statement of mine brought a HUGE smirk on her face, which came out as a scowl from her mouth.

I don’t blame the poor soul for her ignorance. I see my own classmates throwing toffee wrappers out of the school van. If such big-and-educated-enough people don’t care, then why will she care!

But, what I blame is the way things are inculcated into a child in India. I don’t get it why children are not taught to keep their surroundings clean when they are taught to keep themselves clean VERY WELL. Indians pass the NIMBY (Not in My Backyard) syndrome from generation to generation. (like a parampara or something)

I am not here to blame anyone, or to project myself as an angel. If I was there in place the of that girl, I would have done the same. (Infact, I’m sure that I would throw a tantrum or two on someone lecturing me).

I know that blaming job won’t do any good because the mind-set is already made-up. And, the only thing that can be done is – begin from the scratch. There is a vital need for teaching people. Strict government rules won’t be of any use – because “rules are made to be broken”. Something very innovative is to be done, because bringing a change is VERY difficult, though it’s not impossible.

P.S – Someone PLEASE tell me WHY do people SPIT on the road? It’s not a question out of any frustration, it’s a genuine doubt.

P.P.S – Yes, I’m alive! I think I’ll be this irregular from now (I CAN be busy, you see). I have a lot to study. No one Many people asked me why I went invisible. ;-)

ONE! :O!!

Hello People!

Its Baby Ganesh here! I turn ONE tomorrow! My chitti (Her name is Ramya, but I like calling her Lakshmi), who owns this blog, wanted me to write a guest post for her, a celebrity guest post…ahem. Unlike my jobless chitti, I’m a very busy guy – I spend my whole day sleeping, eating and walking like a drunkard. So, I usually don’t have time for jobless stuff like blogging, but since my chitti wanted a celebrity post to adorn her blog, she considered my post to be best one. I thought that it would take ages for me to give my introduction, but when I saw the posts my chitti wrote about me, I was thoroughly impressed!

I feel so odd to see the photographs which were taken when I was born - when I was a small pink thing! I Grew SO much! But, my mom still calls me kunju kuttan (Small baby)! They say, I have SO much more to grow in my life! This photograph is very special because it is my very first photograph. It was taken by my chitti just a few minutes after I was born. I tell you, I was handsome from the moment I was born. Bachna Ae Haseeno…lo main aa gaya!

My chitti sometimes says that I am her boyfriend, and she sometimes says that I am her adopted son! Geez! She’s such a confused soul! Anyways, I would surely like to be her boyfriend; we’ll make a good-looking pair together! Anyways, I don’t want a crazy mother like her! I already have a crazier mom. My mom loves me like CRAZY, she talks with me like CRAZY and she plays with me CRAZY. It’s so good to see mommy making all the funny expressions on he face, and jumping around, just to see a small smile on my face. I tell you, she is bestest mommy in the whole wide world! My dad also loves me very much! And I love going out for walks with him. When I returned to Bangalore from Kerala, my dad decorated the whole house with colour balloons and so many colourful things. I just loved it SO much! He takes all my videos and photos so beautifully, I love his camera work! He is seriously Daddy coolest! Oh by the way...don't I look KHOOL in this photo? I look like a total Mohawk with spikes on my hair, don't I? There was no need to make spikes, they were automatically made on my hair - see, every part of mine is SO Stylish! I tell you, I'm the fashion Icon to todays's baby generation ;-)

It is very tough job to be a baby. Especially, being a cute and handsome baby like me. Wherever I go, girls surround me and pull my cheeks. I am a pro at flirting with young girls. I have been flirting with my chitti from when I was born! So many girls fight to pick me up. My mom told me that two of her unmarried colleagues were competing against each other in “Who looks better” competition, and were dressed up the best, when I went too see them on the “Family Day”. I’m so much in demand you see ;-)

I was very depressed to know that my mom and chitti wanted me to be a girl. The first thing my mom told my chitti after delivery was “Lakshmi, ye kya ladka ho gaya”. I felt SO dejected. But, my mom loves me so much now, and says that I am the best baby in the world. But, I wanted to fulfill my mom’s dream. I am total mommy’s boy, and I believe in “Ek din, main apni maa ka sapna zaroor poora karoonga!” funda. That is why, I didn’t utter a word when my mom dressed me up like a girl. I'm such an adarsh beta! But, I still think that I'm better off as a handsome boy, rather than being a pretty girl! :-/

All the women in the house used to be so excited to see me have a bath. If they would have taken me in Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao, they would have got more TRPs than what they got by showing Nigar Khan, Shweta and Palak having a bath in bikinis under fake waterfalls. And, after giving me bath, my jobless chitti used to put SO much powder on my face. So, one pretty morning, I got so irritated with the powder, that I started ROARING!

My chitti got so scared, and felt so guilty that she also put kajal and powder on her face in the same way, and got a photo clicked with me. Even though I’m sleeping in this photo, I still look better than my chitti.

But, in all, my first year was a very beautiful one. I learnt more things than anyone in my family would have learnt. First, I learnt how to smile. I was only 47 days old when I started turning around. That day, I turned around a new leaf. It was amazing to see the world with an upright head. It was different from what I saw by lying down simply. People say that I’m very fast!

Then, I started moving around on the floor. I felt FREE. I used to sneak around the room at nights. But after that, my mom made me wear anklets which made so much noise, so that I could be easily tracked.

Not only was I a speeds master, I was also the master of opposites. Babies normally crawl and then sit. But, I did the opposite. I learnt how to sit, and then learnt to crawl. Then, I learnt to stand up.

It was always said that my mom started walking on the day she turned one. I wanted to break her record. So, I started waking when I was 10 months old! Anyone who can break my record?

I wanted to break all the records in my family. But, I just was incapable of breaking my chitti’s record of talking. She started talking meaningful sentences from when she is 8 months old (That explains her chatter-box nature). Since I didn’t want to be a tagged talkative, I started talking late. (You see, I’m intelligent enough to make strategies from now itself. I’m preparing myself to be an Ultimate Baby Roadie on the new reality show of RTV (Ramya’s Telivision) which is based on adventurous challenges for Babies).

I just hope that all my coming years are as pleasant as my last year. I’m very lucky to have such a loving family. And, like my chitti asked me to end the post, I thank God for everything that he has given to me. I promise to be a good baby forever!

A Sudden Urge

It has been five years since I left Chandigarh. I did not take much time to adjust here (except for my language skills of course) and I never felt like going back to Chandigarh. But, since last few days, I have this sudden urge, not to go visit Chandigarh, but to go and live there.

It is an odd feeling, of missing a place so badly, especially for someone like me who is not attached to any place. I miss the three lane and four lane roads over there. I miss the clean roads. I miss the planned architecture.

I would love to go back to 2317, Sector 22-C. Place where I was born, and lived till I turned 12. I miss our land-lord particularly. I used to call him Baabaji. I was his ladli. He never scolded me for scribbling on the walls. If my parents would not buy me chocolates, he would surely buy them for me. I remember his permanent dialogue – “Soti naal maar padegi tenu”, when I did some mischief.

I want to go back and shop in 22 Sector ki Redi Market. A big market with small shops having loads of stuff. I still wonder how the shopkeepers racked all those clothes in such a small space! I miss the bargaining. You can’t bargain in Kerala. I got lost in that bhul-bhulaiya type market a couple of times.

No branded kulfi in the world matches the 2 rupees Kulfi from the Kulfi-waala who used to come in our gali. All the girls used to buy SO many kulfies after Kanjakein. After all, whatever money we got after Kanjakein was our money! No Golgappe from these malls in South match the Garg ke Golgappe in 23 Sector! No matter how hard we try, me and my mom can never recreate the delicious Tikki we used get in Sindhi Sweets in Sector 17! The desi hot dogs of the Hot Dog waala of our gali are way better than the firangi ones with cheese and stuff. The Ten Rupees Strawberry Shake from the Verka Booth in Sector 22 is the richest and most delicious one I have ever had.

Rose Garden in Chandigarh is one of the largest gardens in Asia. I don’t remember the Rose Festival that is conducted over there every year. I want to go back, and experience it. I want to go boating in Sukhna Lake. I want to go see the Water Falls in the Rock Garden over there. I want to sit on the cycle rikshaw!

People here in Kerala don’t get out of homes when its night. I miss seeing all those fat Punjabi aunties taking a walk after dinner (Though I don’t miss THEM!). I miss the flamboyant Diwali, the loud sound of crackers. I want to go in the mela in Math ka Mandir for Gokulaashtami. I miss going to Ayyapa Temple in Sector 47. I and my sister used to pluck Sun-flowers from a home near the temple and run away on the scooty! I miss the Elaichi waala doodth we used to get for Shivraathri. I miss the Chabeel, which was given during those very hot summer days.

I miss the winters – wearing a hundred sweaters to keep myself hot and sleeping in quilt. I miss my school campus – Sacred Heart Convent School.

Chandigarh is such an integral part of my past, and these are just a few things I have mentioned about this wonderful and clean city. If I have to experience all of it again, I have go there and live!

I sometimes wonder how it would be, if we never came here. I surely would have been a total show-off, like all my old friends with whom I talk through phone now. I hear that Chandigarh has changed now. During those days, there were no malls over there. And all the hi-fi show-rooms were there only in Sector 17 and Panchkula. It seems Chandigarh has become a big city, with a lot a malls and hi-fi-ness. Does that mean that it is no longer my-type place? I hope not!

P.S. – We had a Trichur Blogger meet. Ok, that’s exaggeration. I met Gayathri and Durga. We met some time before and did nothing, except talking. I know the readers are totally Jealous now. Jal Jal ke raakh ho jao sab! Hwaaawahhahahahaha!!

Kerala in High “Spirits”??

When you view from a distance, there is something light-hearted about Mallu passion for drinking. Kerala is jocularly referred to as God’s Own Country where whiskey and soda flows in abundance. And, its true. Last year, Onam sales of toddy were a path breaking 135 crore. And this year, its 16 crore less than the last year sales. According to my dad, this 16 crore difference is because the government ordered to close the toddy shops on the day before onam. If the shops would have been open on that day too, the sales would have surely exceeded the last year’s record. The “Dry Day Comedy”, isn’t it?

Look at the picture above, there is something really funny about it. My father mocks, “This is disciplined Kerala”. The men stand in a queue in front of the toddy shop to buy daaruu. These men would not have been this disciplined in their whole life, my mom says.

But, the picture isn’t pretty! With the increasing consumption, alcoholism problems are increasing. Everyday, we open newspapers to know about a new death because of drinking and driving. There is a female suicide almost everyday because of alcoholism. You get to read some heart-rendering stories about women and children committing suicide because they don’t have dimes to feed themselves – only because of a drunkard in family. There are NGOs working on the anti-alcohol campaigns, but, they have no impact on be-happy-drink-more tippler.

A toddy shop near Trichur Railway station has the name “Daivashayam” (Divine Help)!!

I totally hate people who drink, even the occasional ones. This may be because no one in my family drinks – from my very parents to relatives to distant family friends (who I know). And, I have not seen people drink this much in Chandigarh – except in those hi-fi Punjabi wedding where the ladkewaale men used to drink and dance like crazy.

Kerala’s liquor policy is the most hopeless one. According to the policy, on the first of every month, the liquor shops are closed so the yay-I-got-my-salary service man cannot buy the rang biranga paani. But, there is no reduce in consumption after implementation of the policy. First of all, not all drunkards are people who get salary! There are MANY people who work for daily wages! These men take money as well as a bottle sharaab for the work they do. How do I know? My father used to make someone buy toddy for the workers during our house construction. Moreover, I have heard that you get liquor on the Dry Days for some extra bucks. Better? I-am-SMART men buy the toddy before hand, and get prepared for the Dry Day, rather than spending the “extra bucks”!

Sometimes, I get an impression that men here drink without considering the time and the place. I saw one drunk parent in my school after writing one of my 10^th boards. (I have a good smelling sense and I’m an expert in smelling cigarette smoke and alcohol) I was forced to say, “The man is DRUNK and he came to school to make a bad impression on children” in Malayalam, loud enough for the man to hear.

It’s sad, especially for a wonderful and beautiful place like Kerala which is famous as God's Own Country and is famous for its rich culture. Alcoholism does nothing but projects Kerala as a cultureless place. I feel enraged, I feel sad.

Onam, Puli Kali, No PC Thomas, Kya Life Hai!

Its Onam Time!

Onam is the biggest festival of Kerala, and the most grandly celebrated one. It is celebrated with the same spirit in which Diwali is celebrated in north. It marks the yearly visiting of Kerala's favourite ruler Mahabali, who was buried into hell by Vamana (Lord Vishnu's Avatar)

(Mahabali - the photo was clicked during last year's Onam)

Mahabali was a very judicious and effecient ruler. When his fame began to spread in Heaven, Gods felt challenged and asked Lord Vishnu to curtail the powers Mahabali.

(Last Year's main day Pookalam)

Lord Vishnu transformed into Vamana and approached Mahabali and asked him for alms. Mahabali was thoroughly impressed with the intelligence of the dwarf Bhramin child and granted him a wish. Vamana thus asked for three paces of land. Vishnu (as Vamana) increased his stature, and with first step covered the sky. With his second step, he starddled the netherworld. Realising the third step would destroy the earth, Mahabali offered him to step on his head. Thus, Mahabali was pushed to netherworld. But, because of the attatchment that he had with his kingdom and people, he was allowed to meet them once every year. This day is celebrated as Onam. (This is condensed version of what I read from Wikipedia. Yes, I want to force some knowledge into people who avoided that Hyperlink I added on Onam in first line ;-) *evil grins*).

To welcome Mahabali, people clean their houses, wear new clothes and put pookalam (flower Rangoli)

(This is one of my favourite photos - This was the Fifth day Pookalam)

Puli Kali is yet another celebration that takes place during Onam season. Different Temple devasoms (associations) have their group of people who become Pulis. Puli means a Lion in english, and that is how men are painted. Bascially, the face of the Puli is painted on the tummy of the men, to give a protruding effect. It seems men with bigger tummies are given more money. These pulies wear big bells, and walk till the Swaraj Round in the town doing a special donce which I have never been able to spoof till now. This gathers a HUGE crowd. I have seen this only once, and I'm done with it!

(My sister had gone to see the Puli Kali last year - this photo was taken by her)

Every group has many Pulis. There are tabloids also, where men form various formations and stand still. These men and Pulis are painted with emulsion paints. Every group is judged, and a winner is also announced.

(This is again, one of the Tabloids. The two people in that whole cream coloured structure are painted men)